The angel that holds my heart...forever...

we're all just players in a game
the strings are never pulled the same......


This post is going to take atleast a month to work on..
Im starting it today June-12-2011
He deserves a post just as amazing and wonderful as he was..

A year a ago a life was taken..

Too soon,but as we've learned god only takes the best..

But,here on earth we all seem to be lost..
All heartbroken...A million tears shed..and more to fall with no boney shoulder to catch them..

Over the last year I've learned im stronger because of him.
I don't want to sound selffish..but he helped me realize 

how much better i deserve,that my daughter does also.
He touched a lot of people...
A Heart Of Gold....

I met Jake around 2004 after a show at the VFW.
I went back to Maggies trailor..with Rachel,Greg,Toni,Joey,Jake and prob a few others but i dont remember.

That night seems a blur...all i remember is sleeping on a bean bag chair in Jakes arms...Wish thats how is was now...
We talked for awhile...then lost touch.
Til last year..things picked back up right where we left off..

Crazy right?
He made me smile more than any person in my life(besides my daughter)
At the time i was having issues with my ex(tays dad)
Jake helped me thru so much..unbelieveable pain i THOUGHT id ever endure..

I was so wrong....

I remember it like it happened yesterday...Friday..I was running late for work..
Had my facebook open,and a message popped  up from Jake that says
"I need to talk to you.."
My reply was.."I have to leave for work i get off at 11,ill text you"
he said"ok.have a good night at work dollface"

Well...11 came and went...work was busy came home from work and fell asleep.
Saturday comes...thought it was like every other saturday..worked afternoon..
Came in from work..something wasnt right..My mom says to me..
"Niki...something happened...Jake passed away,Check your facebook"
I literally ran to the laptop..I didnt believe her...I just talked to him last night..he said he needed to talk..it couldnt be true...But,she was right..
I froze...starting crying and freaking out...almost broke Rose's laptop..
He needed to talk...He told me...I wasnt there..I always ask..could i have done something??
Well the day drug on...and on...first person i could even talk to was Kevin..Every night...laying on the floor.
So xanaxed up i didnt know what was real or fake...But at the time only way i could stay..sane i suppose or get any sleep..(also something im not proud of but i needed to sleep)

That monday...was the worst day...ever..

Kevins mom picked me up at walmart....way to reconnect with old friends..

I havent seen kevin since the day i left brownsville...along with alot of other great amazing people..

It took everything in me to walk up to see him...laying there peaceful..
But thank god for Kevin for keeping us together...
Ive never cried so much in my life..like i cried all the tears i could..

I just remember going back to Kevs after and falling asleep in his lap...Friends can be amazing

when you need them the most..

 After that day..Ive realized keep your friends & family close..
You'll never know when they will fade away.

Jake was special to ALOT of people..

I've learned that over the last year.

Hes brought people together..
He will live on,Thru everyones memories.

I've had numberous dreams about him,It seems everyone else has too.

Its nice to see his face,hear his voice..and swear those boney hugs are real...

But to wake up,in tears covered in sweat...screaming..

But..its nice he visits..its been awhile,im hoping he stops by soon =].

Everytime i pull into burger king parking lot..i get chills and flashbacks
of the last time we saw you..and pulling out i swear your cars 2 infront of us going to return your redbox movies...

Ive had numberous friends pass away for an odd number of things..
Jakes & Alex's was the hardest...ever.
I have friends that say.."How do you do it,Ive never had a friend pass"
Ive learned he only takes the best,It may be hard...unbearable...But I looked at it this way..
Their in a better place,their not hurting,suffering anything..
We may think youll never move on or let it go.
BUT thats how we keep them alive in our hearts..
My brother passed 11 years ago..to me hes still here with us..Keeping us safe..
Thats how they live on..
and reading on Jakes memorial page everyones keeping him alive
by posting pictures,videos and memories..
As long as they do that he lives on..
I know their were friends who were closer to him than i was.
He holds a special place in my heart...forever if only i noticed then...That i love him..
Never got the chance to tell him
But..im sure he knows =]!

I forgive you though you never knew
just what it was you put me through....

So my angel...
{Jacob Robaugh}
May your memory live on forever in the hearts of those you've touched and that love you as much as i do..
<3

{Theres always that one star 
That shines brighter than the rest
And i know thats you smiling down
Telling me everything will be okay}

{{if your could be my only friend

I'd cherish all the time we spend
and though we're so infrequent now
our hearts dance somewhere anyhow
so many make our lives seem cheap
and in the end we all must sleep}}

Four long years spent
Lot a tears shed
No, no one sees them
No one but I

And now I'm waiting for that stillest hour

Now I'm waiting for that stillest hour

Until we meet again,In my heart is were i keep you...
Love you to the moon and stars and back..forever & always dollface
<3}


So im posting this a week early...Only because of lack of internet issues.
But,He is missed...and i ask the question..how do you move on having feelings for someone who is no longer physically with you....Its really hard,but he made me realize i deserve better..
I love you Jake,Always will!
Rest easy angel...
<3